can't control time

I used to be the most hysterical person
worrying about time
always afraid of being late
missing things
had to be first
terrified that I'd miss a bus

I know what traumatized me
was late to various things
like most days of the first grade
for reasons
not under my control

so as I got older
being responsible
equalled
being on time

but I took it
past hysteria
driving everyone
nuts

a few years ago
I think after I had been run over
by a terrorist

time
and fate
sat more easily
I finally realized
that I didn't have control
and couldn't have control

I remember once
running across a road
back and forth
trying to find a taxi
so I could catch a bus
frenzied
couldn't even remember which way

then
suddenly
caught myself
deep breath
no taxi would stop
for a crazed woman

stopped moving
just waited
and
taxi arrived

tonight
parents meeting at work
it was getting late
no way of getting home
last parents left

packed my stuff
turned off
the heater, the light
full hands
managed to lock the door

then
another father
so I told him to bring
his wife
to the teachers room
we'd speak there
rather than reopen

told them
not to worry
about the time
if I were to rush
I'd wait a long time
waiting for a ride

so rexaxed
we spoke

then to the deserted bus/ride stop
rides came easily
just like I needed

Thank G-d

good night