We're still recovering from our weekend in NY/NJ for a family wedding. It really was beautiful, and I'm glad I took the trip, even though I was sure that I'd be sorry I did it.
Funnily, I think we've spent more time talking about the pink and white kiddush another family hosted that shabbat in a Westchester MO shul. My husband sent me a link from YUTOPIA about lavish affairs.
It's obvious that most, decisions about what to do for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah or Brit or "celebration" for a baby girl have nothing to do with the child. It's all for the parents' needs.
The kiddush definitely made things difficult for families who worry about "what the Cohens would say" in that community, making the simple tuna and egg salad kiddush look cheap. But not everyone can afford even a "hot kiddush" with chulent and kugels. And even though it's a posh area, the simple kiddush can be a strain for some.
I remember when my brother was Bar Mitzvah, my parents decided not to do a big evening event. They just invited people to a luncheon in the synagogue after the services. I remember my mother saying: "I'm not going to wine and dine anyone who doesn't have the decency to come to shul and hear him." They're not religious, so traveling on Shabbat wasn't an issue. And my father's religious aunt and uncle, my late grandfather's siblings, made arrangements to be where they wouldn't have to travel.
All of these celebrations have changed a lot over the years. We did different things for our kids, all modest.
And if you're wondering, the wedding really was gorgeous.
Well, here's me trying to be melamed zchuss for the wealthy.
ReplyDelete1-Percentage wise, they are not spending enough to make them hurt financially.
2-Their guests love to be invited.
3- They propbably give more than their fair share of Tzedokah.
Do we want our kids to come home from school saying, "Ma, Dovid's lunchbox is much nicer than mine- you tell his mother that he shouldn't use it because it's making me jealous!"
Are we training our people to be nisht fargihnners?
Okay, there is good taste and there is bad taste- but until we get to the other side is it really good for the 'have nots' to judge the 'haves'?
All of those are good points, except for how the poorer members feel. Wouldn't it be better to subsidize future kiddushim. Everyone pays what they can, and there's the same one each week?
ReplyDeleteYes, that is a very nice idea (and it does work to a certain extent), but how far can one extend that? What else should be subsidized to spare people from feelings of envy?
ReplyDeleteI grew up non affluent in a very affluent community. My mother taught me that if I am happy for other people then I can enjoy what other people have through them. The communal attitude is really based on what parents teach their children.
I also grew up in a wealthy community with much less, but I just ignored the materialism. Guess I still am.
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