As many know, certainly no secret, I've been taking care of my elderly father since October. My mother can't do it. She's supposed to be selling their house and moving to Israel. My father now lives with us, an unexpected reversal of the "empty nest."
I never expected to be doing it. But here I am. That's life. I'm pragmatic. It needs to be done. Ironically, I didn't have all that much to do with my father when I was a kid. He was busy working. But there actually were a couple of fun things. Sometimes we'd go swimming on weeknights at a nearby high school pool, Bayside High School. I don't know how many times that happened; maybe a handful. Another thing was once a friend of his, who had daughters no sons, decided that he and my father should go on a father-daughter fishing trip. So they rented a boat and we went. That happened once.
Back to purpose of this post.
A few neighbors keep telling me that I'll be rewarded for caring for my father, in עולם הבא Olam HaBa, the "World to Come." They say that my ticket to גן עדן Gan Eden, The Garden of Eden is reserved for me; my name is on it. Actually, I find it offensive to think that someone takes care of parents for ulterior motives.
A lot of people are quick to try and make you "feel good".
ReplyDeleteThat causes them to say stupid things.
Just like my friend who told me I am a "tzadekas" for taking care of Ricki. I mean, I became magically a tzadekkas when she was born?!?? Come on....
I can imagine some of the things you've heard. But, Rickismom, there are mothers who refuse to take care of their children and there are children who ignore their parents.
ReplyDeleteB"H, we do what we have to do and make the best of the lives Hashem has given us.
I think the core truth that people want to acknowledge is that while what you are (BOTH!) doing is a very holy task, the day-to-day may not FEEL particularly holy. Maybe it helps to see it that way?
ReplyDeleteOTOH, people are always telling me what a holy and important line of work my husband is in (working for a funeral home), which irritates me to no end because he didn't choose this field and basically accepted this horrible (yet holy) job because it was the only one available.
I guess I wish there was less paycheque in shamayim and more here to help with the groceries. What an awful thought!
Thanks Jen, all of the above...
ReplyDeleteI know that my life could be a lot worse. Actually, I don't think of it as "bad." I'm just amazed at neighbors' reactions.
Shalom!
ReplyDeleteIMO the offensive part of your neighbors' comments is the repetitive part. ONE "kol havod! It's a big mitzva (in the sense of a good deed) to have your parents come to live with you," would be a nice compliment. Perhaps those neighbors wouldn't do it themselves so that affects they way see your actions. Honoring one's parents is a commandment, but is having them live in your house?
The neighbor who had said it recently would do it enthusiastically for her parents who are both amazing people.
ReplyDeletegood point. and, for sure, something to teach our kids-- doing good for the sake of doing good. the end.
ReplyDeleteon a side note, i enjoyed the memories you shared with your father. inexplicably made me teary eyed. but in a good way. all the best.
thanks, minne ma, I find that since I changed gears, it feels so "right." My sister and I are working on what's best next for both our parents.
ReplyDelete