As some of you may know,
my mother passed away two months ago. As a Torah observant Jew, as a mourner, I'm in a restricted state, forbidden a number of "pleasures," such as wearing new clothes, certain social occasions and listening to music.
I have control over the first two restrictions. Even under normal circumstances I don't get new clothes all that frequently, and if I do really need something, like a hat to wear at my son's wedding or an
unripped shirt at work, I can ask someone else to wear the item for a set period of time. That way it's not considered "new." It's not that difficult to decline invitations to social occasions. It's only permitted if there is Torah or educational content and no music.
Music! Yes, staying away from music is
near impossible. I can't avoid music, at least recorded music. At work, in Yafiz and Rami Levy there is always music on. Even before my mother passed away I'd ask that the volume be turned down in Yafiz, since I can't hear the customers clearly when the music is too loud. And there's also music on the buses and
tremps I take to and from work and other traveling.
I have no control over this music. It's part of life. I'm not in charge.
And even more troubling... I love music. I find myself singing, humming and sometimes even dancing along...
I often thought about this during the 18-month period when I was in mourning for both parents (my father passed away six months after my mother, so I was in mourning periods that overlapped until last Erev Rosh Hashanah.)
ReplyDeleteOf course, there was music from different places, and there was nothing I could do about it. I listened to news/talk and sports stations during that period (which was very difficult), but at times I found myself singing or following the music to myself when I was in some store that was playing music.
The message seems to be that it is what it is, and even if you "slip up" and follow the music, this doesn't mean you are "cheating." You can only do the best you can, and hopefully no one will blame you if you are simply doing what you would normally do if you heard music.
Sheldan, thanks for the feedback about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm a dancer by nature, and music affects me greatly. I can't ignore it.
I miss not having music on at home. I just watch the news on TV.
Although my mourning period was only for a month, I LOVE music, and missed it terribly. I also woundered about this, and felt that I was "cheating". Also when in the USA for the nine days.......
ReplyDeleterm, my days are sometimes so filled with glorious music which I can't turn off. When in the states during the Nine Days, I've found myself shopping for gifts Tisha B'Av afternoon with my sister-in-law. There would be no other time, and we were in stores to get food to break the fast...
ReplyDeletevery strange...
I'm still in my mourning year - less than one month to go. As I love buying clothes, I focused on not buying clothes for a year. Music for me would be going to a classical music concert without any children, and I haven't done that in many, many years! But I told a friend who is a classical musician that I will attend one of her concerts in October.
ReplyDeleteFor the past few years considering my parents' ages and health, I've tried to make sure I have enough clothes, just in case... I've been low on winter clothes for years. If I really have to buy and find something more than worth it, I'll have to have others wear it, a crazy fiction. For work, I'll need clothes, since mine are old and stained, but I can just ask someone to wear it and the clothes aren't really mine.
ReplyDeleteI miss music.