Then I'm not Included!

A common technique when speaking to a group of people is try to remind them of common experiences. Sometimes it backfires.

I live in a very heterogeneous neighborhood. Sometimes you have to be blind not to notice, since 100% Jewish does not mean all Caucasian-European type. The Shiloh gene pool includes not only decedents from European and mid-eastern rabbis, but WASP, Chinese and South American Indian. And that's besides the Yemenite, Russian, Ethiopian and others. Those are only the physical attributes.

Many of us lived "all sorts of lives" before we came here. The "sum total" is... Shiloh. And Shiloh isn't the only Jewish community with a variety of people.

Now for one of my pet peeves. It really bothers me when someone gives a shiur (Torah, or religion lesson) and they preface a remark by saying:

"As we all learned in gan (nursery school)..."

Inevitably, I jump, and I say to myself:

"Oops! I must be in the wrong place! I never went to gan! Maybe I should leave?"

Because the person's statement is usually followed by some simplistic medrashic Jewish Legend, which in all honesty either I never learned or consider in contradiction to the actual Biblical Text.

The first time that statement really bothered me it had been said by a visiting rabbi speaking to a group of women. In this case there was the added attitude since he spoke to us in a very condescending way, and I felt that he was speaking to us as if we were children. Since he was a guest I stayed, but I promised myself that the next time someone uses that technique, I'm going to react.

It has happened and I've politely told the speaker that I feel excluded when such a statement is made. I never went to "gan," and I never learned all of the simplified stories, and my mind wasn't filled with those obscure midrashim, legends. To me it's not just a "figure of speech." It's like a club membership, and I'm out.

I went to New York State Public Schools and the Oakland Jewish Center Hebrew School six hours a week for five years. Very little of what I learned stayed in my head.

When I was in high school I became religious and only later did I have the opportunity to really learn Torah. I did not start with the children's version. For this reason, I comprehend things differently from those who "went to gan."

I've been lucky over the years to find excellent teachers, who teach in a way in which I feel not only included, but their lessons are intellectually and spiritually stimulating.

Shavua tov