Changing Plans, Blessed is the True Judge

I don't have a weekly routine. Even "during the school year," there can be lots of variations in terms of my travels, studies events etc. But in the summer, especially now, I have to work very hard to keep track of where I'm supposed to be from day to day. The logistics can get pretty complicated, even though I'm no longer "working" at a "regular job."

Since the pool is still open, I try to make it possible to be there every day during "women's hours," but sometimes even that is out of my control.

Yesterday I had a nice busy day planned in Jerusalem for after the pool. My clothes, including a matching necklace, were all laid out on my bed when my husband suddenly called out that a neighbor had passed away. He was an elderly neighbor who had been amazingly busy, active, strong etc. until just a few short years ago. I actually visited with him a couple of weeks ago, and it broke my heart to see his deterioration.

I quickly calculated when the funeral would probably take place, and realized that there was no way I'd be back in time, so I canceled all my plans. Everyone was very understanding. Here in Israel, funerals are well-attended by many more than close family and friends. When I worked in Yafiz, I was always excused from a shift to go to funerals. In this case, I, davka, am close to the family.

At 5pm we met at the home of the neighbor and as is custom here when possible, we accompanied him from his home to various locations where he had once been active, and then finally to the cemetery. It was very somber but suited him. We shared memories as we walked.

Death freed his soul from the bondage of an elderly damaged body.

Baruch Dayan Ha'Emett

ברוך דיין האמת

Blessed is the True Judge

Funeral in Ariel, Jewish Burial Customs

It was one of those midnight funerals which are very common in Israel, especially after Shabbat. According to Jewish Law, we are required to bury the dead as soon as possible, preferably on the same day.  So, especially when someone dies on a Friday, if the funeral can't be held before Shabbat, then it's held a few hours after Shabbat is over. And in Jerusalem, Shiloh and some other locations, it's very common for someone who had died on Shabbat to be buried after Shabbat. Yes, even religious Sabbath-observing people manage to get the news out quickly enough after Shabbat.

Davka, last night two young neighbors were burying parents, one in Jerusalem and one in Ariel. The community's email and tremp Whatsapp groups were full of offers for rides to both. Of course, since both were at the exact same time, we had to choose.

I went to the one in Ariel. It was the first time I had been in that cemetery, the New Ariel Cemetery, as it's called.

Grave stones reflect the culture of the community buried there. As you can see, there's lots of Russian written on the stones here, besides Hebrew. And there are also all sorts of flowers and other decorations I don't usually see in Israeli cemeteries.  It's not the style of the graves in Shiloh or Elkana. Families are given a lot of leeway according to Jewish Law. There are also Jewish cemeteries that have a requirement of uniform stones. That's what I saw where my aunt and uncle are buried in Florida. In the Long Island cemetery where my parents and brother are buried, there's a variety of stones, but nothing as creative as these. But I've seen some very interesting ones in Har Menuchot in Jerusalem.

May Gd give comfort to the mourners...

המקום ינחם

Another Night Funeral

The Jewish custom is to bury the dead as soon as possible, so the nishama soul can return as quickly as possible to Gd and not have to wait. Here in Shiloh we have adopted the Jerusalem custom on nighttime funerals, including after Shabbat.

The little girl, who had fought cancer for about a year, died just before Shabbat. We were notified right after Shabbat, and she was buried last night. At least a couple of hundred people of all ages attended to accompany her body to its grave. We grieve for the loss of life and the pain of the parents, grandparents, siblings, extended family and many friends.

המקום ינחם

HaMakom Yinachem

May Gd Comfort The Mourners...

An Awful Thing Happened Before Work

Yesterday just as I was about to sign into work at Yafiz I checked my mail and discovered awful news. The daughter of friends passed away, and the funeral was in just a couple of hours. I quickly told my boss who said "go, now," which I did.

Since I had just done a large shopping, I left it in the store and sent a note to the Shiloh email that I needed someone to bring it home. When my husband got home, he sent another email, and somebody we (or at least he didn't recognize) don't even know picked it up and brought to us.

There was another complication getting to the funeral, which was in Givat Shaul, Jerusalem. The bus is only every thirty minutes, and apparently I had just missed one. I decided to walk in the direction from the Central Bus Station in the hope that I'd find a cab for most of the way. But I was mistaken. There were few, and they were full.

Suddenly I saw one with a passenger pull up by the gas station towards the entrance to the city and get gas. When it finished and passed me it stopped and asked where I was headed.

"The Cemetery," I answered.
"Hop in," the driver replied.
"Are you going to the funeral from the bus accident?" asked the passenger.
"No, a young mother died of cancer."

We were each deep in our thoughts...

When we reached the cemetery, I asked how much to pay.

"Nothing," said the passenger.
"I'll give charity," I responded.
"Thank you," he said.

And we each went to our separate funerals...

TU B'Shevat Festivities Cancelled in Shiloh

Last night, instead of getting together to celebrate TU B'Shvat and 38 years of renewed Jewish life in the Holy City of Shiloh over wine and fruit and nuts and cakes, we mourned. And we gathered together in the large sports hall and then slowly marched under the cold, weeping sky at a funeral.

A young man, born and raised in Shiloh had been killed in a terrible road accident, only minutes from home. His family, friends and the soldiers he had led all gathered together to bring him to his resting place, until the Moshiach arrives and tichiyat hamettim, resurrection of the dead. May it be soon in our time...

Shiloh Cemetery, photo taken a few months ago for 52Frames, Theme: Future, titled "We Will All Die"

המקום ינחם

HAMAKOM YINACHEM

MAY GD COMFORT THE MOURNERS

Only in Israel: About 20,000 Attend Funeral of Sean Carmeli, HaYa"D, Lone Soldier

Sean Carmeli, HaYa"D

Yesterday morning we read about the lone soldier from the small Texas town nobody had ever heard of who had been killed in Gaza trying to destroy the Hamas terror infrastructure, Sean Carmeli. Later in the day, emails and facebook messages kept arriving in Hebrew and in English asking that people come to his funeral.

Israel values all of its soldiers; they are our children. Israeli kids are raised knowing that after high school they will be drafted. (I'm not getting into the chareidi draft issue here.) Religious girls frequently take the option to do Sherut Le'umi, National Service and volunteer in all sorts of places, schools, hospitals, memorials etc. Young men who are exempt for various medical reasons quite often petition the IDF to be accepted as official soldier volunteers and get positions suitable for them.

And then there are the new immigrants and foreign IDF volunteers who come to Israel either just to serve or knowing that their choice to be Israeli means that they will be drafted and serve in the army without a mother waiting at home to do their laundry and make sure there's hot food for them. They are the true idealists, and Sean Carmeli was one of them.

When an Israeli born and raised IDF soldier is killed, his funeral is attended by his family, childhood friends of all members, fellow students and those from the neighborhood and more. Funerals here for whomever, no matter what the reason of death, are usually humongous. Here in Shiloh, a small funeral, quickly arranged on a Friday before Shabbat can have a minimum of fifty to a hundred people, and the larger more public funerals, like the triple one for the three teenagers murdered by Arab terrorists a few weeks ago are attended by hundreds of thousands. Compare that to a very recent funeral in New Jersey for a policeman killed, Fallen Jersey City Police Detective Melvin Santiago laid to rest.

JERSEY CITY - The Jersey City police officer who was shot and killed while responding to a report of an armed robbery was laid to rest today.
Hundreds of police officers from around New Jersey and surrounding states came to St. Aloysius Church to pay their final respects to Melvin Santiago. 

IDF Staff Sgt. Sean Carmeli was laid to rest accompanied, honored by about 20,000 people.

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HaMakom yenachem...
May G-d comfort his family and friends

A Crazy Couple of Months

It's just starting to hit me that I've had a crazy couple of months.  Early June I rushed to Arizona, because my mother wasn't doing well.  Also since my son's wedding was coming up, I felt that it would be a good idea to get the summer visit over as soon as I could. 

Within a few days of my return, my mother was dead and I was back on a plane.  Then it was to New York for the funeral.  I managed to return to Israel for most of the shiva.

And then I rushed back to work as soon as the shiva was over.  Since I only work part-time, I didn't "take off" work when my son got married.  I sort of squeezed it all in. 

Now I'm feeling it, especially when people ask me how I am, if I've recovered form the wedding, if things have really begun to sink in.  I didn't really give myself a chance before. And now it's almost Rosh Hashannah, which this year is a challenging three day "yontiff," because it's immediately followed by Shabbat.

I must admit that I am starting to feel that things have changed.  So much is mixed up.

And just like in the middle of a Jewish wedding ceremony the chattan, groom breaks a glass, to remind us all that Jerusalem still hasn't be rebuilt.  We still don't have the Holy Temple on the Temple Mount. 

Photo by Yona Zoref

Pictures from the funeral and cemetery

 

As usual, I had my trusty old camera with me at my mother's funeral.  I may have taken some of the pictures, for sure those before the actual funeral.  Then I'm pretty sure I handed it to a friend.  My mother is buried in the New Montefiore  Cemetery out on Long Island.  We got off at Exit 49 on the LIE and drove south.

My parents had bought their burial plots there in the Oakland Jewish Center section in about 1959. 

I'm pretty sure they lived next to us when we
were in the five room duplex in Bell Park Gardens.

They were founding members of the shul, Oakland Jewish Center, Bayside NY.  I was hoping to see lots of people I knew, I mean their names on tombstones.  No doubt I'll be back, and then I'll find their old friends.

My father has a lot of relatives in the Neshelsk (a city in Poland that once had a very large active Jewish community) section of a different cemetery.  A cousin was there visiting her parents and grandparents in between my mother's death and funeral.  She told them the news about my mother.

My mother's grave is near one of the outside walls.  It was pretty noisy, but that shouldn't bother her now.

Covering the grave was a group effort.  Due to a shoulder injury I was pretty useless with the shovel.  But I did drop a stone from Shiloh into the grave.  I had brought it with me to make sure my mother had something special from ארץ ישראל Eretz Yisrael, the Land of Israel.  Most of my mother's grandchildren and all of her great-grandchildren are in Israel.

I was surprised at how much deeper she's buried than we do here in Israel.  There are other differences, the American legally required coffin versus just the shrouds wrapped in a Tallit.  No, I didn't take up the offer to check/see the body.  My brother was pleased at how the shroud covered her.  She was in the simple coffin as all traditional Jews request.  There are many more "traditional Jews" when it comes to burials than living and breathing Jews.

In my community, Shiloh, Israel, actual "kri'ah," ripping of the clothes is the accepted standard.  My high school friend, with whom I had become religious almost fifty years ago,  did the first cut with a knife and Rabbi Dale Polakoff of the Great Neck Synagogue supervised, making sure that the rip was long enough.

Rabbi Polakoff made sure that my mother was well covered.  When the family and friends were gathering to leave, we could still he him heaving the earth onto my mother.  He was overheard telling the cemetery workers that he would take care of it himself.  I'd say that the Great Neck Synagogue is in good hands.

Baruch Dayan Ha'Emet

 

Shirley Spiegelman

שפרה בת אברהם וחיה ריזיה

Shifra bat Avraham and Chaya Raisia

 

לעילוי נשמתה

Li'ilu'i Nishmata

May her Soul be Elevated

Amazing Funeral, Great Tribute

cross-posted on Shiloh Musings

great-grandmother

Yesterday was my mother's funeral at the Oakland Jewish Center section of the New Montifiore Cemetery.  It was conducted by a Rabbi  ?Klein and with the participation of Rabbi Dale Polakoff of the Great Neck Synagogue. My many cousins plus some friends and other family members attended.  My brother, sister and I really appreciate it.  I was told that it was considered a large group.  I guess it was, because Rabbi Klein had asked if there would be a minyon of men, and we certainly had that.

The cousins, from both sides (to tell the truth, a stranger would not have been able to tell if they were my father's or mother's nieces and nephews) really enjoyed Rabbi Polakoff's description of my mother as "feisty."  This was a great tribute to their Aunt Shirley whom they obviously adored.

Observing my absolutely wonderful cousins in action together, I have no doubt that they all are a tribute to my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents who produced this wonderful family I am privileged to be one of.
There aren't many families as amazing as mine.

My Cousin Howard opened his home to us for the post-funeral shiva.  He set it up as a proper shiva home, covered the mirrors and had water for ritual hand-washing outside the door.  One is supposed to wash one's hands when leaving a cemetery, but since he knew that we'd be going into the cars straight from the gravesite, he was prepared.  My sister-in-law brought low chairs from her Young Israel of Scarsdale, and my friend Rose made sure there was the traditional "seudat havra'ah" for the mourners to eat.  There was also kosher food for all, since many traveled long distances and we were all mourning.

It was truly a celebration of who and what my mother was and no doubt my mother would have greatly enjoyed the "party."

Afterwards I got back to my sister-in-law's and on old friend from Great Neck came over to "linachem."  His parents had been very generous to me in the years I had needed a place for Shabbat and holiday meals.  We hadn't seen each other for over forty years, but have had occasional email contact.  The Jewish World is amazing.

The day before, on Tuesday, there was a funeral ceremony for my mother in Phoenix Arizona, which my father was able to attend.  My NY daughter was there, too and stayed with my father after my sister and her husband traveled to New York for the burial.  Some of my mother's former caregivers joined the friends my parents had made in a Conservative Scottsdale Synagogue my parents have joined since their move from New York.  Also attending were many friends of my sister, her family and more.

Today the shiva continues at my sister and brother in law's home, then to JFK and my flight home to Shiloh where I will continue sitting until I get up on Tuesday morning, G-d willing.

li'ilu'i nishmata

May her soul be elevated...

Shifra bat Avraham and Chaya Raisia

Shirley Shankman Spiegelman

Baruch Dayan Ha'Emet, "it's no real surprise, though always is"

My mother passed away on Shabbat in her new "home" in Arizona.  I had just visited and left there less than a week ago.

Funeral and Shiva arrangements to be announced.

Two Funerals and a Wedding

Yes, that was yesterday.  In under twenty-four, more like fifteen hours I attendeded two funerals and a wedding.

Just after Shabbat, we got the terrible news that a neighbor's two decade fight to survive a failed liver was over.  Fourteen years ago he received a liver transplant. The doctors were amazed at how long he had survived his very precarious medical situation and numerous crises, but as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end...  G-d willing, bli neder, (don't consider this an oath) I'll blog about him in a few days when I can do his life and contributions justice.

Then in the morning, an sms from the Shiloh office informed us that the father of a different neighbor had passed away; the funeral was in Jerusalem.  Since my plan was to got to a wedding in Bnai Brak at night, I didn't even think I'd made the funeral, but the neighbor who was driving me called to say that since he studies regularly with the husband, we'd be leaving a couple of hours early for the wedding and going via the funeral.

There was another death announcement early afternoon that a different neighbor's brother had passed away.  How is it that after no such announcements for weeks, or was it months, there should be three in just a few hours?

It was rather surreal, dancing and singing and being so joyful after burying two very special people.  Tears of joys combined with tears of sorrow.  One should never compromise on the simcha, joy of a wedding.  A new family and new lives begin under the chuppah, marriage canopy.

May all live long, healthy, fulfilling and contributing lives...

And may the memories of the dead be blessed, yihi zichram baruch, יהי זכרם ברוך

Hard to title this one*

*I planned a very upbeat post, but it ended up explaining a Jewish funeral and cemetery customs.

I would have loved to post this crowned with a picture of today's dawn, but it's grey and overcast in the Holy City of Shiloh.

Instead I'll give you another perspective of Yossi's funeral. That's because I'm announcing that Baleboosteh has done it again with a superb edition of the JPIX Carnival. So how can the post be without illustration?

This picture is what I saw when he was being buried; though it's not immediately clear from the picture. Traditional Jewish funerals are kinestetic; I can't think of another word. You can see members of the Chevra Kadisha, Burial Society, in the grave to make sure the wrapped body, not in a casket, is gently placed. Then mourners add the dirt to bury the dead. Afterwards, everyone goes by and places stones on the fresh grave. Actually, our tradition is to place stones on graves as a "tribute."

When I was a little girl, my father once took me to his father's grave. I never knew that grandfather, since he had died before my parents even married. The cemetery was very green, and there was bushes growing on the grave. I remember so clearly that my father explained that there were plants, because Jews don't bring dead things to graves.

Jews don't have the tradition to bring wreaths and bouquets of flowers to graves, and it really bothers me that the Israeli government and the IDF have adopted the goyish custom of placing wreaths. Yes, you can add that to the list of things done here which are really Christian customs.