Living it Up in Retirement, New Life

As many of you must know by now, I'm retired, and I'm having great fun. For the very first time in my life I'm enjoying "school." I'm studying in two different places, Matan and the senior citizens program in Ofra.

One of the extra enjoyable "bonuses" in the Ofra program is our interaction with the students. We study in the girls high school. I like to say that we're a three generation family in the school, since two of my daughters are graduates, I have granddaughters studying there and now, so am I.

Today we heard a presentation by girls studying graphic arts about how they designed the logo for our program.

It has an "eye-catching" wise owl look, which really grabs attention and honors our wisdom. The large Hebrew writing says:

מועד ג
moed gimel (3)
"third chance*"

Followed by:

כיתת וותיקים
kitat vattikim
senior citizens class

The girls chose the gold color for the phrase "golden age," which as you know is one of the euphemisms for the elderly.

We had a wonderful time looking at the graphics exhibit about the special programs in the high school of which ours is one.

*moed is a testing time, and usually there are two, moed alef (1) and moed bet (2.) A euphemism for post-retirement is the "third" stage of life, which is alluded to in the logo's moed gimel.

Great "Golden Age" Activities Here in Shiloh

Bringing my father on aliyah to Israel

Some of you may remember that we had my father living with us here in Shiloh for almost a year five plus years ago. The plan had been to also get my mother to Israel and set them up with suitable help in a place near a good senior citizens center or in one of those residential places suitable for a combination of "independent and assisted living." But in the end my mother wanted to be near my sister, though was sorry that she was so far from most of her grandchildren and all of the great-grandchildren.

During that year my father was with us, I hosted a weekly "movie night," (actually late afternoon,) for English speakers. Most of the participants were between my age and his. It was very popular.

A couple of years after he left, a new "middle-aged plus" couple moved to Shiloh, and she was looking for a project, so our "social/activity" coordinator suggested that she develop a program for Shiloh's elderly, a growing population. There's quite a challenge considering that few of the elderly are fully comfortable in Hebrew, so there must be translation into English and Russian. And now there's a couple from France that moved in with their daughter. They try to translate into French for each other.

One of the weekly activities is an ulpan to help improve their Hebrew. And another is an exercise class by a professional yoga/aerobics teacher. They also bring in lecturers, show films and have lots of other programs. They meet twice a week. I'm sometimes asked to help with translating to and from English. I do it when I can.

Not all the participants are elderly, and not all the participants are immigrants. Too bad we didn't have these activities when my father was living with us. He would have loved to go, and it's an easy walk from our house.

And to be honest, I did get quite a workout at the exercise class. Maybe I should go more often!

My Mom My Hero, Book Review

First of all, I must admit that there's nothing objective about my relationship to this book, My Mom My Hero, by Lisa Hirsch. It was due to Hirsch's publicizing the book on a facebook page that I rediscovered Lisa and renewed our friendship. Lisa and I had grown up together in Bell Park Gardens, Bayside, NY and then were next-door neighbors in Great Neck, NY. Her parents were family friends.

Now that I've admitted this, I must tell you about the book. It's based on the journal-like blog, Alzheimer's - My Mom My Hero, Lisa has been writing about how she deals with her mother Ruth's Alzheimer’s disease. Lisa writes with great openness and honesty, not only about her mother today but about her childhood relationship with her.

Many of us, of our generation, who have surviving parents are dealing with the same sort of problems and situations. Most frequently, the brain does not stay as sharp as the body. In other cases, it's the body that can no longer function as well as the brain. Old age is no picnic for sure, and dealing with parents who are no longer capable of making basic decisions or care for themselves is a very complicated situation. My siblings and I have also been dealing with these issues. Our father is now in what's called a "memory center," where he is cared for 24/7. He's physically hearty, but needs help with his daily care.

Ruth Elian, Lisa's mother, still has her sense of humor, although she sometimes forgets the name of her daughter. Lisa chronicles her vists and phone calls. This is not a depressing book. It's joyful and a must-read, especially for those who are facing or expecting to face such a situation. Actually, it's a book that everyone should read. There's a lot of wisdom. It's written simply and honestly.

• Paperback: 200 pages
• Publisher: Logan Shawn Press (March 15, 2013)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0615773982
• ISBN-13: 978-0615773988
• Product Dimensions: 5 x 0.5 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• File Size: 888 KB
• Print Length: 202 pages
• Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0615773982
• Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
• Publisher: Logan Shawn Press (March 8, 2013)
• Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
• Language: English
• ASIN: B00BZC9LBQ
• Text-to-Speech: Enabled 
• X-Ray:
  Enabled 
• Word Wise: Enabled
• Lending: Not Enabled

First the "Shiva" Calls, then the Mazal Tovs

It hasn't been dull here in Shiloh while I was away in Arizona doing my Kibbud av v'em, honoring my father and mother.  During the short week I was gone, two neighbors began sitting shiva, the week of mourning, and neighbors' children got engaged to each other.

The day I returned I went out to pay shiva calls, comfort the mourners. 

And then the following day, I went to my neighbor to say "mazaltov."

Life's never very dull.  Is it?

My Parents' New Home

Clare Bridge, Tempe, AZ

My sister found them a place where they could still live together.

Honoring the Dead, Jewish Style

I've been following the blog "Adventures of a Chief Rabbi" the past few months, ever since it began.  His latest post is about doing "tahara" the cleansing, cleaning of a dead body.   The Jewish laws for how to prepare a body for burial are different from other religions.  I've never been involved in this great mitzvah, but I think it's a very special one.

I recommend that you read the post.

A Jewish body is prepared to rejoin the earth by being thoroughly and gently cleaned.  It's then covered with soft clothing before wrapped for burial.  In Israel there is no coffin.  In countries that mandate a box, the box must have holes on the bottom so the decomposition will not be delayed.

Once the body is prepared, no one is to see the body.  There are no preservations, dressing in party clothes and covering the face with stage make-up.

Lihavdil, to differentiate, I'm very impressed as to how the staff in the "memory facility" where my elderly parents are treat them.  Sometimes the job is neither simple nor pleasant.  I could never do it.  I'm glad they treat my parents with dignity and gentleness.

New Hearing Aids Help

I guess I shouldn't have taken such a close-up.  This picture isn't very clear.  My father got new hearing aids.  I had been very cynical, doubting as to whether it was worth the investment, since his previous ones didn't seem very effective/helpful.

But as time passed since his old ones broke, I could see the strain of trying to hear what people said causing a depression.  Since my father has been living with us in Shiloh, we have visited HaOzen a few times, and that's where we went for the new hearing aids.  They recommended a model with the mechanism behind the ear and a transparent plastic insert in the ear.  As you can see from the picture, it's barely noticeable and even less noticeable when he's wearing his usual "baseball cap."

The only problem with these new ones is that he can't insert them, remove them or see them.  And of course, there's no way he can change the batteries.  I have to do all those things.  They are among the new skills I've learned since bringing him home to Shiloh.

We no longer have to shout, and the television is at a normal volume.

Expensive Glasses, Hearing Aids, I Wonder... A Scam? More in the Saga...

I've been thinking about writing this for a while.  Yes, it's more in the saga of my taking care of my very elderly father.

Before his shower, he walks around without his glasses and hearing aids.  I don't see any difference in function between that time of the day  and when he has the glasses on and the hearing aids in.  This can be seen especially when he's unaware, like when his glasses were broken and didn't have lenses.  He didn't say that his vision was affected.  When my lens was just slightly out of kilter, I panicked, because I couldn't read.  My father didn't notice that his lenses weren't in.  

And when his hearing aid fell out and got caught in his scarf, he didn't notice that either.  The only thing he does notice is when the battery is dead.  And I think that the reason is that the deadened hearing aid blocks his hearing.
 
So I wonder if all these expensive things are really necessary.  Outdoors he'd probably see better if he didn't have those special indoor/outdoor lenses which get so dark.

Am I just being my usual contrary, or have other people noticed similar phenomena? 

Playing Cards With "Grandpa"

All the bedrooms were full last night. Two of my kids, the oldest and youngest, are over for a visit with their grandpa.  Having my father living with us has brought my kids home for more visits than ever, at least since the nest emptied.

I'm doing more cooking and cleaning than I've done for years. That's my "job" now.

According to family legend, my grandfather, my father's father, was a great and dedicated card player. That was his "hobby."  And my father was a good student, mentored by the best.  So, the legend also says that my father played cards in the U.S. Navy on the ships, and a lot of people owed him money.  He was transferred off the USS Indianapolis right before it was torpedoed.

Last night the kids tried to get him to teach them poker tricks/skills, but that seemed beyond his present abilities.  Then they tried Blackjack and discovered that he could still play that like a pro.  He had qualified and worked as a CPA for decades and can still calculate sums, at least well enough for the game.  As he played, he seemed sharper and more alert.  They played for money; something I had never done.  I used to just play for fun.

It's amazing what can stimulate the aged.