Under The Desk

Yes, you can see here three pairs of shoes under the desk in the den. Am I the only one who, after a day of work or just any busy day, feels better after kicking off my shoes? And as you can see, my shoes are all good comfortable, lightweight and soft ones with support.

• Skechers (pink)
• Rockport (black)
• Rykä (blue)

I'm very fussy about shoe fit and don't buy shoes unless I'm very sure they are comfortable, but even I feel the need to kick them off at the end of the day. I generally unwind at the computer, drinking water, and before I know it, my shoes are off and sort of live under the desk. 

I also find it most comfortable to rotate shoes and not wear the same ones day after day. That's why I have a few pairs. I think it's better for the feet to switch every day or two if possible. Think of it like turning your mattress over. Recently I began having trouble finding a comfortable position for sleeping, which was solved after I turned my mattress around. You can find a similar relief in wearing different shoes. 

In my sales job in Yafiz, I sometimes work in the shoe store, and I try to make the customers aware of how dangerous badly fitted shoes can be. I ask them what reflexology really is. I call it "correcting badly fitting shoes." Think about it. If the right sort of pressure on your feet can heal you, then, bad pressure can make you ill. So, in the long run, it's better to replace shoes that aren't truly comfortable, even if they are still new or "wearable."

That's why at the end of the day, when my feet beg to go free, I kick off my shoes and leave them under the desk.

Never Too Late, Forgiveness and Comfort

Yesterday was Tisha B'Av, the ninth of the Jewish Month of Av, a day full of tragedy in Jewish History.  Our sages tell us that the Second Temple was destroyed because of sins between people, holding grudges and taking out revenge.

My mother passed away just a month ago, and I'm finishing off an extended* shloshim, the thirty days from burial, a period of time in which the mourner is required to restrict oneself from pleasures, such as luxuriating in a bathtub, wearing new clothes, cutting hair, manicures/pedicures, listening to music, going to social events etc.  For most mourners, that is those who are mourning a spouse, sibling or child, the official mourning ends with the shloshim, but for a parent it lasts a full twelve months (according to the Jewish Calendar.)  The additional months are less restrictive; the hygienic acts of bathing/swimming, haircutting, manicures/pedicures are allowed.

Jewish Law requires a mourner to be comforted all during that mourning period, even after the seven day shiva has ended.  My shiva for my mother was international.  I began it immediately after the funeral in Long Island, NY, at my cousin's home, then I was in Westchester, NY at my sister-in-law's, then to JFK International Airport where people who realized I was in "shiva mode" with ripped shirt and slippers, said the traditional words of comfort and then I flew home to Shiloh where I completed the shiva.  Obviously I didn't have too long a time in any one place.

I can probably list almost everyone who did manage to visit or call during the shiva. That's bad.  It means that I have wondered why some people hadn't.  Their absence wasn't lost on me.  In some cases, I was (even am) very upset and surprised.  But then one by one, I have gotten calls, or people have stopped me in the street apologizing effusively for missing the shiva.  Last night one neighbor came over, not wanting to take a short-cut in comforting me.  It's a good thing we haven't yet rehung the pictures nor put away all the photo albums.

Of that list of people, almost everyone has since spoken to me.  There are still a couple whose absence really hurts.  I was planning on letting it fester, but then inspired by a wonderful blog post by my friend Ruti, I realized that it would be a terrible mistake.

None of us are perfect.  I'm sure I have unintentionally and inadvertently hurt or offended many.  If I decide to forgive those who have hurt me, there's a chance that I, too, will be forgiven.  It's never too late to forgive and comfort, but don't procrastinate any more.

* My shloshim for my mother is longer than thirty days, because the funeral was four days after her death, and we count it from the funeral, not the day of death.

my mother with a great-granddaughter

אין מילים Ain Milim, No Words

There are times when the best response is:

אין מילים Ain Milim, No Words

And that's how I feel right now.  When certain tragedies occur, no words will help, therefore that's the best response.  Generally by talking we just make things worse, very unintentionally of course.

Sympathy and support can be conveyed by a look straight in the eye, a pat on the shoulder, a hug or just holding or gripping hands.

Silence says the most.  Absence and the wrong words are the worst.  There are tragedies that put everything into a new more accurate perspective of good and bad, happy and sad.

This will have to suffice for now.

Tzom kal, an easy fast.  May we soon merit the Moshiach and return to the living of those who have passed away.  May Tisha B'Av be a feast day for all, G-d willing.

What's Up? Rather "Punny"

High up in the air, I took advantage of this:

It sure helped me maneuver in and out of my seats in the various planes I few in.  I'm glad that I was in an aisle seat which had an arm that could be raised.  I suggested to other people that they raise theirs instead of disturbing me while leaning on my seat.  Yes, that's one of my pet peeves.  I'm terribly hypersensitive, so when people push, squish etc my seat or chair, I'm terribly uncomfortable.