working and floods?

Last night there was a problem with blogspot, and what I wrote didn't post, so I copied/pasted and sent it to shilohmuse and must send it back here.

Bigger problem.
Last night I noticed that the kitchen table was wet, figured that my husband dripped water and didn't wipe. I didn't say anything, since he'd get angry that I was accusing him. Good thing. This morning I saw that it was still wet, should have dried by now.
Bad news. I looked up and saw that the ceiling was wet and dripping. Now I have to get a plumber.

This is not poetry! Not even for me.

Don't get me wrong

Don't get me wrong. (see latest shilohmusings)
Totally different between our King David and the terrorist arafat. David was a holy king chosen by G-d, who passed his kingship to a gifted son. Had a very special relationship with Batsheva.
The terrorist, darling of the left, was given power by the unjust. Farce of a marriage to money-gorging and daughter she calls: "little dictator, just like her father." Marriage can only be compared to those of Michael Jackson. now he's surrounded by those hoping to get his billions, donated by UN and Europe. The dying vulture, surrounded by other vultures. Who knows what will be after...... just hope he's buried far away.

Now I'm off to spiritual feasting as I learn more about David and his son and their deepest thoughts.....
Baruch Hashem!

keeps sagging

keeps sagging
even after reduction
that sidebar
keeps hiding
underground

tried cutting days
cutting posts

side bar
shy

what's next
to try?

and another week

and another week
can't complain
life goes on

you know
what they say
about
the alternative.....

I start with a "bang"
a day so full
of t'hilim
and kohelet
father and son

then
off to teach
until
way after dark

my meeting
with
the next generation

and then, this Monday
a 70th birthday
for a special friend
a role model
in a way

and
as these things happen
unplanned, or planned by
the higher being

our daughters
learned his profession
together

and
it seems too risky
to predict
more of the week
even to
guarantee
that we'll be there
to celebrate

after all the...unplanning
of the previous

I'll update
when
more chance
of some
minimum of accuracy

but G-d willing
I'll accept
and enjoy
whatever

maybe

maybe
there's
something
wrong with me

even for free
to be
in a hotel
that most envy

but
I was bored
too much to eat
all for the body
and none for the soul

so
I escaped
to old friends
and a chance
to learn
something new

on being a woman

Yesterday, at the tail end of the memorial ceremony by Rachella's grave, a bus load of Israel supporters from abroad joined us. Many were women. Some of us got to talking. one said that she had had a conversation a while ago with a woman who explained that she couldn't be religious because of the morning blessing that a man says: "thank you for not making me a woman." we all snickered, since we women know that we can do lots more than men, and therefore our parallel blessing is "thanks for making me according to your will." We joked about our abilities to multi-task, which men can't do and can't comprehend.
Later, I went to a shiur and did my needlepoint, took notes, read the English, listened to the Hebrew and of course fully participated in Hebrew, giving my unique opinions, and my mind was miles away of course.

great being a woman

King David and Batsheva

Last night, at a women's shiur in memory of Rachella Druk, someone got me thinking. We were looking at the beginning of Melachim alef, Kings I, as David lie, old and dying on his bed. His staff tried to warm him up with a "young virgin" to no avail. Then in walked Batsheva, the woman he risked both this world and the next for. Actually they both risked everything for each other. For years I've been saying that a close reading of the text shows that she seduced him, following a long line of strong, very strong willful women in the same line. (Leah with Yaakov, then Tamar with Yehuda--their son, then Ruth with Boaz, grandparents of David.) The biggest difference between David and Batsheva's relationship and all of the others is that there's a relationship, and it continues after the seduction. We read dialogue of their conversations. Even with all the children Leah and Yehuda had together, we never hear/read of their ever conversing, and the others are just one night stands. While Batsheva and David have a long-term relationship. And here, when not even a flicker from David when Avishag is "ministering" to him, suddenly he perks up when Batsheva enters. He listens to her, then to Natan, and then he acts like a king for the last time, if I'm not mistaken. He takes care of the business of properly appointing his successor, Solomon, Shlomo, the son he had with Batsheva. She reminded him of his promise, oath, to her and he acted on it.

She must have been quite a lady.

ps I'm not mentioning the name of the person who gave the shiur, because she didn't say what I've written, she just got my mind going, and I don't want people to go to her outraged.

today's plans

hard to know
to say
if
what's planned for today
will be
anything
like planned

too many things
for too little time

neighbors'
grandson's
brit milah
on a hill
overlooking
desert valley
just minutes away

travel
to Jerusalem
to most famous hotel
once bombed
now staid
free for us

in between
so much to do

and here I sit
tapping away

but I know
better to enjoy
all opportunities

than to
worry and stress
about things
not controlled
by us

first time

first time
as I checked
"the count"
it moved
registered

a visitor visited
when I was home

enter
you're welcome
hope you
enjoy
the entertainment

any time

13 years, Rachella, HaYa"D

thirteen years
already thirteen years
a baby boy born
on the day of her murder
would be a man
reponsible for his sins
barmitzvah

this period of time
what has it done
to us
how much older?

dried up
matured
lost our innocence

Rachella's grave
the first
on the side of hill
not alone

neighborhood filled
all ages
all stories
from all over
the Jewish world

Russia, Peru, Algeria
the U.S.
and of course
Israel

from Israel
some were old
full lives

others infants
school children
teens
and soldiers

"natural" deaths
though how "natural"
for parents and grandparents
to bury a child

many murdered
too many
even one's too many

but only Rachella
murdered in her "prime"
as a young mother

seven scarred children
and eternally grieving parents
and friends

plans change

plans change
changed plans

nails
painstakingly gilded

clothes
already laid
waiting to be worn
hat, necklace, skirt and top

carefully chosen
for traveling, teaching and
traveling again
to dance
at joyous wedding

as John Lennon sang:
"life is what happens,
when you're making other plans"

teaching cancelled
then
too complicated
to travel
to wedding

but
was reminded
that today's the day
to remember

to remember the life
and too early death--by murder
by terrorists' guns

--Rachella
who loved to dance

and
instead of dancing
with the bride
I will
go to Rachella's grave

and I will dance
with her memory

Shabbat prep

last night
out of freezer
to thaw

this morning
chicken
soak and clean

season
and in the oven

two batches
one to freezer
one to fridge

don't know
if baby
home from army
entertaining

laundry
fluttering, drying

must do
dishes
nails
plan test

off to
work
wedding

not even nine
plenty of time

more on King Solomon and sons of the famous

King Solomon was one of the most brilliant and talented people, ever, and it didn't give him joy, happiness. It reminds me of most of the totally brilliant people I've known, and how miserable they were. Never quite fit it. Never challenged at school, many dropped out. Friends with super brilliant kids all report similiar problems. The challenge of raising the super gifted isn't included in parents guides.

Another known problem is of the sons of the famous. Famous people frequently spend more of their time and attention out of their homes and away from their kids. Other times, even if they are good parents, the kids feel that they can never compete and go in different, sometimes dangerously different directions.

King Solomon had some of the same talents/weaknesses as his father, maybe even more. It could be that his attempts to prove that he didn't need the strictness of mitzvot was his way of "fighting." King David had to make up for his childhood when he was treated as "Cinderella." He refers to it in many t'hilim, like the Shir Hamaalot before benching, "whoever sows in tears, reaps in joy." Also in 30 and 31. His son Solomon didn't have to sow in tears. His tears came much later. Trees buffeted by winds when small can survive the snows. Solomon couldn't deal with troubles, because he was too protected when young.

more on King David and his son Solomon

Studying both t'hilim and kohelet gives me an insight on the two writers, father and son. When I was 13 we moved from Bayside, NY, an upwardly lower middleclass, post WWII neighborhood, to Great Neck. Culture shock for sure. Kohelet, hevel, norishkeit. Nuveau (spelling?) riche, materialistic, phony, superficial. And I don't think the kids were any happier than my previous, less wealthy friends.

The late Andy Kaufman, the strange "comic" was a classmate of mine. He played with reality, norishkeit. In the movie made about him there's a great scene when he was putting together a tv special and had the technicians make the screen jump, so that people would get up in the middle of watching and try to fiddle with the dial to fix it. Totally brilliant. Many of our classmates were filthy rich children of those who grew up during the depression in the states or survived the death camps in Europe. These kids were never allowed to "suffer." They were expected to be the best in studies, sports and looks. But something began to rot on the inside. Not everyone could find happiness in this perfection. Like King Solomon. Like him many took risks. Those a few years younger than me rejected the perfect and expensive clothes. I remember that my mother was in shock that my sister and her friends wouldn't dress up, even for "sweet 16's." My friends and I got coctail dresses and gowns, like for a prom. But my sister's crowd rejected the proms too. They looked for struggles, challenges of their own, like King Solomon. And some of the most gifted got lost on the way, or lost their gifts through miss-use.

The fathers, so like King David, only wanted to protect their children, they shouldn't have to go to war, just build the Temple, just live in luxury.

promised

up early
camera in hands
like I promised

attempted
to capture
early
sunrays

sky
foggier than
summer

blurred
and grey
silver trimmed
diamonds sparkling

but
how will
it appear
on paper?

I promised
so
I'll try
another morning

days

days
days shorter
nights longer
temperature's dropping

energy's dropping
with the temperture
sleep more
be in tune
with nature

under the
warm down-filled blanket
how did I
survive the years
uncovered by down

days change
wetter, colder
nights more so

winter days

afraid?

I have to "tremp"
hitch
to and from work
Shiloh to Beit El
Beit El to Shiloh

no public transportation connects
no teacher taxi service

there are people who
wouldn't go on
these roads
in an armoured vehicle

sometimes
I find myself
waiting
waiting a long time

then
like tonight
a young guy
calls through
the car window

looking at
the fat, dumpy, middle-aged old bag (me)

"I drive fast; if you're afraid, don't bother getting in."

I open the door
look at him
and politely thank him

he doesn't know
I teach in a boys high school
I'm not afraid of him

and we all know
about those who talk
really aren't.....

not enough

not enough
just a drop
or two or three

even big drops
for an hour

even if
the drops cause flooding

doesn't mean
enough

flood's
caused by
dry, caked,
non-absorbant
earth
hard-packed like
glass

takes
short, gentle rain
to coax
the earth
to open
absorb the moisture

one should
always be gentle

not enough
just once

tomorrow

can't waste
sorry spend
another day
sorry morning
at home

because
when home
this magnet
keeps pulling me

sorry
this screen and keyboard
keep pulling me

or
sorry
honestly
I have no
self-control

I did my errands
made calls
three loads of wash
scanned and sent
wrote and replied

but maybe
tomorrow
I'll pack early
and leave
where the Mishkan stood
where Chana prayed
to the Holy City
of the Beit Hamikdash
before work
where Jacob dreamed his dream

it's all so special here
where every town
where every path
and every stone
is history
is in our Bible

more on what I learned

I find it important to remember that King David, psalms, was King Solomon's, Ecclesiateses, father. Re-reading the previous post, my notes, it's like KD is talking about KS. In XXX, 7, KD refers to the people who think that they can understand G-d's lessons/commandments without suffering, without hard work. It reminds me of KS who considered himself too smart to keep all the rules, trying to get around things, saying that even if a king isn't supposed to have lots of wives, he can, because it won't damage HIM. That he's above the law. Too smart for his own good, just like what his father warned against. I wonder how old KS was when KD wrote that psalm.
KD knew that there was no place on this world to hide.
Kohelet 9 under the sun 13 under the heavens and 14 under the sun.
What's the difference? I asked, and Nissan said that he also wondered and looked for sources and couldn't find.
Increase in knowledge is increase in pain
could it be that some times thinking "too much" asking "too many questions" will just bring more sorrow
someone I know whose parents are H survivors once said that his parents survived with full faith, because they (unlike himself) weren't terribly bright and didn't ask lots of deep questions about what was happening

KD seemed to get through his crises stronger, unlike KS who never fully recovered. Maybe because KD had to take more responisbility for himself from a young age. Being a prince has its drawbacks.
KD has more of Yehuda, admitting mistakes and thanking G-d. Even the story with Batsheva (KS's mother). I've been convinced for years, from the pshat (text) that it was Batsheva who initiated contact, seduced him, by bathing where he could see. KD was no peeping Tom. Like Tamar with Yehuda. It took Yehuda a while to take responsibility, while KD is the only one blamed, except by me. There's a whole pattern chain of seductive women leading up to KS. Don't forget Ruth and Boaz and Leah and Yaakov.