Thursday, April 20, 2006

Women's Health Update

There's an "old joke" that complains that if breast cancer affected more men, there would be better treatment, diagnosis and preventative methods. I'm sure that mamographies would be more pleasant*. (The full text of the famous "mamography preparation" is at the end of this post.)

Maybe women are getting more into the "research business" or "doctoring," but recently, more attention is being paid to "women's medical problems."

Here's a recent article about a better drug for preventing breast cancer. And even more interesting, is this article which explains that males and females have different types of heart disease, which is something doctors are only recently beginning to discover.

OK, it's not quite that bad, but it's no picnic. On the upside, many women thank it for alerting them to cancer and thereby saving their lives.

*Preparing for a Mammogram (R)Joke Submitted By: Anonymous For women - Helpful info. For men - For the woman in your life.
PREPARING FOR YOUR MAMMOGRAM:
Many woman are afraid of their mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home.
Exercise No. 1:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Place one bookend on each side of your breast. Press the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet again next year and do it again. Repeat all steps on the other breast.
Exercise No. 2:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends(or a stranger) slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Don't breathe. REPEAT again in case the first time wasn't effective enough. REPEAT all steps on the other breast.
Exercise No. 3:
Visit your garage at 3:00 a.m. when the temperature of the concrete floor is just perfect (anywhere below 32 degrees). Take off all your warm clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged tightly under the rear tire ofthe car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram.

3 comments:

Batya said...

You should just know only good health.

Anonymous said...

I called the health dept and scheduled a mammogram because I don't have a doctor or insurance. I was given no instruction about preparing so I came here because it said there were instructions. I have been trying all morning to find out what to do in advance. One deodorant site said don't wear it that day. While your instruction would be cute if I didn't have a pod of grapes growing in my breast it would be nice to find some real help.

Batya said...

In all seriousness, there's nothing to prepare.
Just do what the technician says, and think of something else.
It's over in a couple of minutes. Then they usually have you wait, until they can take a quick glance at the "x-ray" to see that it's not "smudgy." If the picture isn't sharp enough, they redo that angle.
Yes, it's done at a couple of angles each side.
Good luck.