Friday, May 04, 2012

If The Divorce is So Great, Why The Whispering?

One of the great bonuses in traveling by public transportation and tremping aka hitchhiking is those surprise meetings with old friends.  Not long ago I discovered an old friend after getting on a bus.  I sat down next to her and we began catching up.  We started off exchanging news about our children and grandchildren.  Then I noticed her eyes carefully sweeping the bus, and she signalled me to listen to her whisper.  Now in all honesty, I don't hear very well.  I have no doubt that if I live as long as my parents still are, I'll be like my father in the need for a hearing aid, so whispers aren't my favourite means of communication...

I thought that she was going to mention something about someone else in the bus the way she nervously kept glancing around, but then I understand what she was saying:

"We got divorced.  I'm so happy to be divorced, and my kids have told me that they support me."

Of course, I told her that I trust she made the right decision.  In the past I helped a friend through divorce and think that in many cases it's the best thing one can do. But I couldn't understand why her need for secrecy if she's so happy about it.


Anonymous said...

It really can be great. I'm happily remarried, my ex is happily remarried, and we are both like old friends. The best of all possible worlds!

Batya said...

a, I understand that. But I couldn't figure out why she was so scared and secretive when telling me.

Hadassa said...

There are a few logical reasons for not loudly talking about divorce:
1) Divorce isn't always so great, and she may not have wanted people who hadn't tried to work out their problems to think that divorce is a great cure-all.
2) Perhaps she doesn't like to discuss very personal issues in the presence of strangers.
3) Perhaps there was someone in particular on the bus whom she didn't want to hear the news.
4) Was the divorce recent? Could it be that, as much as she's happy about her decision, she just hasn't become accustomed to her new status?
Shabbat shalom!

Batya said...

Hadassa, the body language we assumed so nobody would overhear was terribly attention-grabbing, but your points are good.

Your last point was probably the best. I hope she'll be more comfortable with the status. It's not the end of the world.