Sunday, December 25, 2011

Not Doing My Share

For illustration, neighbors'
mother, no relation to me.
Ever since my mother decided that she'd rather be near my sister in Arizona, the total burden of taking care of my parents is now my sister's.  As some of you may remember, my father did live with us for almost a year, in our house.  That was a very different experience.

There really isn't much I can do half-way around the world.  Yes, it is about half-way, because there's a ten hour time difference.

When I discuss the situation with friends, I keep hearing that no matter how close everyone lives, the responsibilities, burden always fall unevenly between siblings.  It's not fair of course, but that's what happens.  And when there are thousands of miles in between and legal and cultural differences it's even more difficult to share.

Yes, life isn't fair.


Anonymous said...

i concur with your friends.

Anonymous said...

While your intention might have been to convey the challenge of distance and how it makes it hard for you to be involved, your blog actually sounds like you are saying "too bad, I live too far. You'll[your sister] have to take care of it alone. And don''t say that it isn't fair because life isn't fair." Or maybe THAT was your intention and you are sending your sister that message through this medium. Bottom line, this blog entry isn't so encouraging.

Dawn Nussbaum said...

This stage of life is difficult for everyone, elderly parents, middle aged children, and young adult grandchildren. Its not fair for anyone. My sister is living with my mum across the country. They take care of each other. My husband and I share responsibility for my mother in law with his two brothers and their wives, along with a paid caregiver. We're all in the same city, but it never seems to work out evenly anyway. How do you weigh how many times one takes her to the doctor against how many times another takes her for the weekend? Then there's my dad. He's half way across the country in a nursing home. I have power of attorney, but the people in the home look after everthing he needs, while I look after the finances. Its rough. All any of us can do is our best. As long as we're all acting from love for our parents, we should try not to keep score.

Batya said...

a1, yes
a2, don't try to read too much into it.
Dawn, it sounds so complicated, all the logistics. Every family is a story in itself.