Airplane Rant, If You Can Afford It...

The Forward, nu the modern one, not the Yiddish paper my grandparents adored and read daily, has an article about a Rabbi Gordis who kvetched that kids shouldn't be allowed in business class in airplanes, because they disturb him.  I commented that the kids should be upgraded to first class.  I wanted to suggest that passengers like Gordis should supplement the bill, but I controlled myself.

Unless you can afford to charter a plane, there's no way to guarantee peace, quiet, comfort and an event-free flight.

Now I have my own rant about airplanes.  My budget, unlike Gordis's, doesn't allow me the relative luxury of business class, and the cheapie seats are getting more and more crowded.  If everyone had the leg and abdominals to stand up easily, my flights would be more pleasant.

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE GRAB THE SEAT IN FRONT OF THEM, LIKE WHERE I'M SITTING, SHAKING ME AND SOMETIMES EVEN BANGING MY HEAD!

Many times I've found myself screaming in rage and pain:

"If you touch me again, I'm going to report you!"

My last flight I did report a guy.  He was davka dressed all chareidi, the type that wouldn't want to walk on the same side of the sidewalk as a lady like myself, but he had no compunctions about shaking my seat and touching my head roughly every time he stood up.  That sort of plane turbulence is something I fight.

After the stewards tried a few languages, they finally said that he can't get up any other way and offered to change seats with me.  I accepted the offer and finally got some sleep.  Actually, I was so tired that I slept an extra fifteen minutes after the plane had landed and before we could disembark.

I wish I could afford business class which has more space between the larger seats.

Gordis's complaints are the complaints of the rich.  If he wants privacy, then he ought to fly by himself.