Thursday, July 02, 2009

How Can I Help From So Far Away?

I'm a sandwich, meaning that I have elderly parents, children and grandchildren. Many of my neighbors are in the same situation, and most of them share parent-care with their siblings.

I can't do that, no matter what sort of help my parents may need. My parents live in New York. My sister lives in Arizona and I live in Israel. For Americans these logistics are pretty normal, and I have heard of those of my generation who have moved their parents "back north," or to wherever they are living, because it's impossible to help long-distance.

We accompanied my parents to a Nefesh B'Nefesh interview which I had set up, but we can't just "transfer" them, unless they cooperate.

No doubt, this will be an ongoing topic for blogging.


Leora said...

My father was reluctant to leave his house. I think the person that influenced him the most to leave and move closer to me was his rabbi. His rabbi said, you don't want someone to move you, you want to do it in your own way. And he did.

Is there someone your parents listen to, respect, who can help convince them they are better off closer to you?

muse said...

There's no one, and their lawyer, who's a relative won't help. I've been begging him for years.

Stefanie said...

I'm a geriatric social worker and can tell you that it is nigh impossible to move someone from their home unless it is a safety issue (when you can kind of force it)or they want to. You may be better off hiring a care manager to be the "daughter" in town and help you that way.

muse said...

Stefanie, thanks for the input. That sort of help cost money, and when my daughter (a trained social worker) sent someone from an agency to see what they qualified for, the person did not receive the necessary cooperation.

Stefanie said...

Alas, I wish I could say that was an exception but it is more often the rule. Unfortunately we end up dealing with a crisis rather than pre-plan. My advice to you and your sister is to know what is available in your parents' area ahead of time so when a crisis does happen, you'll know what services are there to plug in. I wish you luck.

muse said...

Stefanie, good idea, thanks so much for helping.