Thursday, March 05, 2009

Grandmothering

Nu, what are we grandmothers really supposed to do? This New York Times article seems rather whiny to me.

The post-feminist daughters of baby-boomers interviewed in the article expect their mothers and mothers-in-law to be the grannies of their dreams. And the grannies aren't interested.

I wonder if I'm a good grandmother. Growing up I didn't have much in role models. I only had one living grandmother from the time I was less than three, and when I was three and a half she became my only grandparent when my grandfather died. She lived with my aunt and her family. Those cousins had a full-time grandmother. I saw her every few weeks, months whenever. All of those visits included cousins. I never developed a special relationship with my grandmother.

Soon after my husband and I got married we moved to Israel, so once we had kids, our parents' visits were short and intense. They were young grandparents and loved taking over. We were older by the time we became grandparents, and our daughter and her husband were older than we were when we became parents. We had to develop the roles from anew.

I babysit a bit once or twice a week. I don't do housework, but that's because I just hate housework. I'll take in the wash and things like that. My husband comes every few weeks to read the grandchildren stories and then continues home. Of course they visit for Shabbat and holidays.

I think that every family has to work things out in a way which is good. There are no rules.

7 comments:

Mrs. S. said...

I think that every family has to work things out in a way which is good. There are no rules.
Well said.

Batya said...

Thanks
My biggest "problem" is that I don't like "spoiling" the kids. It's against my nature. What an ogre I am.

Anonymous said...

Every family and its relationships are unique. If everyone is basically happy, it would seem like a good sign.

It's great that your grandchildren get to see their grandparents so often. Many kids are not as fortunate. I'm much closer with my grandparents because I got to see them so often while I lived at home.

Batya said...

t' thanks, we all do what we can. You're lucky to have developed good relations with your grandparents.

Anonymous said...

Well-expresed.

Baila said...

I think some of those mothers had a terrible attitude of "magia li". I hope that one day I'll be able to help with the grandchildren, but I hope that my children don't EXPECT it, but will appreciate it when it happens.

Batya said...

Ilana Davita, thanks.
Baila, G-d willing.

I honestly wish and pray that I'd have so many grandchildren from all my kids that it would be hard to find time to see them all each week, but Baruch Hashem at least I have what I have and they're a precious part of my weekly routine.